Say You'll Be There
by fuckthisshizzzz
Summary: this is ashley being a star. spencer being a life long friend. but ashley messes up and all she does is lie.and spencer is 7 years older then ashley. yet they still try to work things out?
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note**: ok guys I know I haven't been updating standing here for hours scared to death. Because I have mainly, been working on this one. This is a 100 true story in spashley point of view. Everything really happened in the flashbacks. Everything before that is all up to spashley. I hope you enjoy, leave me some comments if you like or dislike.

"What the fuck" I scram across the room trying to figure out what I was forgetting. I was supposed to be at my grandmothers house 30 minutes ago, and I have yet to even get to the car. But of course with my luck my damn alarm clock didn't go off, and I was late getting up.

My life has been hell since my record deal, and getting off of this tour. I haven't really enjoyed any of it except the fact of expressing my feeling on stage and the fans seem to like my feelings. I don't think anyone really knows what it is I go through everyday, and why I do.

I don't live that far from my grandmas; it's about 15 minutes away. I live in a more high class and security protected neighborhood. I had to find a good place like this, because of the constant fans/stalkers that follow me home. I love my house though it's huge, it should be I didn't pay $780,000 for it for nothing.

I know what you're thinking why an 18 year old has such a big house if I live by myself. Well the truth is I like that I can get lost in my own house, and I can never get bored, I have everything I need there. I fell in love with this house the first time I saw it, it was just me, and come on its not like I don't have the money to buy it.

That's another thing that I like to tell myself, I have more money than I could ever spend and I enjoy that. Don't take me as some kind of self obsessive person; I do donate a lot of money and things to different organizations.

I walked outside with my acoustic guitar and 2 backpacks. Making my way to my garage I opened garage door #4, and there she was, my baby girl. I named her K she's a Porsche **911** Carrera 4S Cabrio. It makes me sad to think back of the memories that lie in this car. It was her Idea to get this new one. I only got it because it was her favorite, and now that she is gone it became the only thing that actually made me laugh in our memory instead of crying.

I threw my guitar and the 2 backpacks into that passenger's seat and turned on the engine. The radio blasted Paramore's –CrushCrushCrush. I have become very well known since my deal with MGA, but there is still this emptiness inside of me that seems to make me unworthy. 15 minutes past great IV been lost in my thoughts of her again, as if any other day is different. It's hard for me to be like this, to live like this but I don't think she knows the way I feel about her is still so much.

I pulled into my grandma's driveway and parked the car. I retrieved my guitar and the 2 bags. I held my head down as I walked, until I came across this car… a black Honda Accord 2 door. It was parked 2 cars ahead of me in the driveway, and it threw me into a flash back

_I sat in the airport at the age of 16. I had a fight with my mom and decide I was going to run away. The only thing was I didn't have a ticket and I had no money. So I sat in the lobby by myself._

_She worked at the airport. I figured I would see her, but I didn't so I pulled out my phone and started a text_

_**Spence. I'm in the lobby come out by terminal B in the lobby-ash**_

_She didn't text me back_

_I thought I saw her walk past me and it made me mad thinking she would look at me and then just walk away without coming over. So I started another text_

_**Hey, why did you walk past me?-ash**_

_A few minutes later she texted me back_

_**I'm not working today; I am already off-Spence**_

_I felt stupid as I sat there and looked at the text. Then I had a phone call coming in. it was her I was scared I hadn't talked to her in a while. So after the 4__th__ ring I answered. _

"_Hey"_

"_Hey why are you at the airport."_

"_Well I took a cab here, because I got in trouble with my mom and she pissed me off."_

"_What did you get in trouble for?"_

"_I got caught with weed."_

"_Are you stupid?" she sounded so irritated by now._

"_What are you doing now?"_

"_I'm heading over town to go out with some friends."_

"_Ok I guess ill talk to you later then."_

"_K bye"_

_I hung up with her and called my house, and told them she was coming to get me. But the thing was she really wasn't and I put myself into another bad situation. I tended to always put myself into a bad position, but it only happens when it involves her. After calling my house my mom called her and they talked, nobody ever told me what was said, but I got a text from Spence saying she would be at the airport to get me in an hour and a half. At first I was excited, but then I started getting nervous about being around her, and my stomach began to turn. _

_She showed up sometime later, and I got into her car. She started talking to me but I didn't want to answer, so we stated arguing. She asked me if I wanted to stay at her house with her and her roommate. that's the thing no one ever understood, I couldn't be around her roommate, she made me so jealous that I couldn't help myself. All I could say was "I don't know what I want to do Spence." Because I was scared to admit I wanted to be around her. Eventually she took me back to my house, where we sat in the car and talked for a while. She ended up pissing me off, so I exited the car, and went and sat on a hill in my backyard. She made her way into my house with my bags and assured my family I was home. Then she got back in her car and drove off._

_As soon as she was out of my sight I called her_

" _spence, please don't leave me!"_

_She tried to calm me down but I didn't want to. I sat on the hill the whole time talking to her. she reassure me that I should go to bed, and she would be over tomorrow morning to take me out to breakfast before I have to go to school. _

_So I went to sleep and woke up on time, got ready and waited for her. She hadn't shown up yet and I was beginning to get mad so I pulled out my cell phone._

"_U still coming?"_

_She didn't say anything. I had it In the back of my mind that she was going to blow me off. I didn't know what to do, but get mad. So I texted her again._

"_u cant say ur going 2 do something then not do it, that's bull."_


	2. Chapter 2

_After a few minutes her car finally pulled up. I hoped she didn't get that text! I stayed laying out on the couch, waiting for her to come in. she was outside for a minute talking to my mom, before she came and got me._

_When we pulled out of the driveway she asked me if I slept. I said "30 minutes. Again I lied; I had slept for at least 2 hours. I don't know why but I can't stop lying to her, it's uncontrollable to get her to notice me more then she was already doing. It drives me crazy for the need of attention that I some how need to receive from her._

_After eating out to breakfast we headed out over to school. It didn't take long, but I was still late. She pulled up to the front of the school and parked. I looked at her for a second before realizing that she was talking to me._

"_Ash, go and check you self in." she said as I realized she pulled me into another speechless gaze. _

"_Uhh...what? Oh sorry. But can you wait here, I don't know if there going to let me in because of testing?"_

"_Yeah, go ahead." She said almost with suspicions in her voice._

_I knew they were going to let me in, it was just the fact that I wanted to be with her longer. So as I walked to the front office my brain started coming up with lies to tell her! I turned the corner and stood right in front of the door, and just waited out the time. After a good 2 minutes, I turned around to walk back to her car, but she was already pulling up to me. My heart skipped a beat in scarce of her seeing me not entering the building. She rolled down the window as I approached the car._

"_They said I have to do make up testing tomorrow, because you can't walk in on the middle of a test." I lied to her blatantly _

"_Ash! They did not say that. What told you that?" she asked me through her teeth._

"_That guy who was standing outside the office." I said stuttering to come up with something believable._

"_I don't believe that. Come on I'm going with you to the office." She said madly as she emerged from the vehicle to find out the truth. I started getting scared again, that was my biggest fear, Spencer Carlin catching me in an obvious lie._

_When she got into the office she was soon to realize, that I had lied to her again. She found out that I made everything up and she wasn't happy about it. She turned and looked at me disappointingly, and I dropped me head in disgust of what I had become._

"_You did it again." She pushed out between her anger and disagreement of my actions._

"_Did what?" I asked already knowing what she was going to say, but that didn't stop my mind from thinking I could get away with these lies all day._

"_Ash you lied about going to class." _

"_OH MY GOD! No I didn't, you totally saw me talking to that guy." _

_The thing with me is that I don't understand who I am, it's like the real me is stuck in my mind of craziness, and I can't escape it at all._

"_Ok, whatever Ashley. Go to class." Then she began to walk away, I did the same until I felt the urge to turn around._

"_See you in a couple of months." I said the truth this time. I knew it would be forever before I saw her again, and that killed me._

"_Ill sees you before that." She lied; well it looks like 2 can play this game._

"_I love you Spence." I said under my breath as I watched her walk away and drive off._

_We didn't see each other after that, well not at least until thanksgiving._

I walked past the car and made my way to the house. I Opening the door with a fake smile on my face. I wasn't to happy to be here right now, don't get me wrong I wanted to see my family, but my mind couldn't focus on anything but _her._ I dropped my bags and greeted the family. After a million hugs and kisses, I heard the familiar sound of her breathing coming from across the room. And there she stood in front of me, Spencer Carlin the girl I would dir for, the girl I would give anything to kiss or to just have in my arms forever.

Her family was close with mine; her mom particularly is best friends with my grandmother. She even lived with my grandmother for a while when she began college. I looked over to my sister with a confused look on my face; she just stood there and dropped her head. I decided to approach her.

"Why didn't you tell me she was going to be here Kyla?" I said Horsley almost out of breath.

"She called me and told me not to… she said that she wanted to surprise you. She said that she was proud of you and wanted to see you after you succeeded." I turned around with one hand on my hip and another grazing my forehead. What was I suppose to do? I can't even get a correct sentence out when she is around me. Ah I'm so mad at her at this point. I hadn't seen her in at least 3 years and it killed me everyday that she wouldn't answer me calls. Ha and now she just shows up here expecting me to pretend that nothing ever happened? That we have been friends, all this time. Damn, I don't even remember the last time that I had seen her. Wait… yes I do.

_The summer of 8__th__ grade is finally over. "Ashley come on your going to miss you flight. Your grandmother is going to kill me." My mom yelled up the stairs, rushing me to get out to the car._

"_Ill is down in a minute hold on." I wasn't ready for this, I hadn't seen my grandmother in a long time, and one of my old friends is now living with her. I am excited to see them, but I have this feeling that something is going to happen. I'm not sure if it's good or bad but I know something is up the road. I turned around in circles checking one last time making sure I had everything. I grabbed my bags and ran down the stairs and jumped into my mom's car._

_ My grandmother invited me to spend the summer with her, so she bought me a ticket, and today is the day when I have to catch the flight. the main 2 things I am excited about is visiting my grandmother but I also get to see _her.


	3. Chapter 3

_It's been 6 years since the last time I saw her, but at least it's a time when I'm so changed that I wanted her to see the new me. Her name is Spencer__ Carlin! She's a little over 5 years older then me, but who says age matters anyways? What I remember of her was she was about 5'6, really petite, and dressed majorly preppy. She was cool when I was younger. She actually was my babysitter for a few years. But after me dad died and I moved away she became a near distant memory._

_An hour and 57 minutes I spent of the damn plane, god my legs are aching so badly. Ok so I guess grandma will be outside the gate when I land. I hope so I'm not really familiar with Charlotte-Douglas airport. As I was waling off the plane I exited to my terminal and meet up with my grandmother. After we got over out 100 hugs and "I missed you so much." repeats, we headed to the other end of the airport._

"_Lets stop at Chili's by the security check in, I think that Spencer is working today." My grandmother said as my heart began to pound, so fast that I couldn't hear out of my ears and I was holding my breath trying to calm it. Ash we approached the restaurant my grandmother walked to the host stand and asked for Spence._

"_I am sorry ma'me she is off today." The hostess replied_

"_Ok thanks you." and we began to head for the exit. "I guess she is home then, I didn't see her up this morning; I just figured that she had to work."_

"_Yeah, she is probably there, hiding from buttons." I said laughing. Buttons was my grandmother's dog. I kid you not the dog is the ugliest thing alive; it's a mix of terrier and Chihuahua. You can't even be within 10 feet of the dog after it has been outside, the dog smells so bad._

_I can't help but to wonder in my thoughts now. I hadn't seen this girl in 6 years; I wonder what she's like. Will she like me? Is she as cool as she use to be? I wonder if she still remembers me at all. After getting back to the house from the airport I still had a state of nervousness etched into the back of my mind._

_After about 15 minutes I realized she was asleep with her friend in her room. I didn't know what else to do to kill my time, until she woke up. I changed into my pajamas; I had a green basketball shirt and black pair of swishy pants. My hair hung loose and curly around my face._

_I sat at the computer with the back of the chair against my stomach. Like most normal teenagers I was obsessed with MySpace and AIM. It wasn't until about 11pm that I heard noises coming from her room. I sat in the chair almost shaking, and then it happened the door opened._

"_ASH!" she walking towards me happily._

"_Do I know you?" I said laughing_

"_Shut up you loser, give me a hug." She said as she pulled me into a hug. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, she had on short shorts and a tank top, her hair was blonde brown and almost white, hanging straightly down her beautiful face._

She looks so different now, her hair is brown and she wasn't as preppy as she was then. As I was standing there thinking of what to say I looked out of the corner of my eye, she was doing it again. She was acting like everything was ok, but it wasn't, not since that night I told her that I loved her over an instant message conversation. I took me a long time to actually come out and say it to her, and I spent days preparing myself for it. But it didn't go as well as I planned.

_**RoCKrCHiK92**__: hey_

_**OHioBliz84**__: hey ash what's going on?_

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__I need to tell you something really important, I think I kind of owe it to you. _

_**OHioBliz84**__: ash just tells me what's going on. Is it bad???_

_**RoCKrCHiK92:**__ well it depends on your point of view, I don't think it is._

_**OHioBliz84**__: ok so are you going to tell me?_

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__ok so you know all those times when I was trying to explain to you why I acted the way I did that one summer. And that I was blaming it all on me being sick and just trying to get attention?_

_**OHioBliz84**__: yeah?_

_**OHioBliz84**__: what is it just tell me ash._

_**RoCKrCHiK92:**__ I'm trying ok; my hands are shaking as I'm typing trying to get this out. I've waited a long time to tell you this._

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__so the entire truth about everything wasn't that, I was hiding it inside of myself trying to tell me self that It wasn't real. But now that I know it is I think I needed to do this. So the complete and honest truth about everything is I fell into a trap with you._

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__more like I fell deeply and madly in love with you._

_**OHioBliz84**__: I don't understand. Ash just tells me what it is._

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__this is it Spence, I'm in love with you and I can't stop what I do because you over power my self control._

_**OHioBliz84**__: so you love me as a role model, friend, BFF?_

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__more then that._

_**OHioBliz84**__: ok so you're saying you're a lesbian and you have a crush on me?_

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__at this point I don't know what I am yet, I'm still figuring that out…but the second part yah._

_**OHioBliz84**__: ok then your not gay, you just need to figure out who you are._

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__No! I'm trying to get this out so let me tell you how I really feel... I don't want to hide it any more._

_**OHioBliz84: **__ok well it's good that you are telling the truth…just as long as you sat down and thought about what you actually want to say to me._

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__ I did. I took the time since the summer that I staying in NC_

_**OHioBliz84: **__well you know hat this is hard for me, you tried to consume my life before, and I can't let you do that._

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__ Ok I know I did and I can't regret that any more then I already do._

_**OHioBliz84: **__don't regret it ash, just see if from my point of view. I want you to understand why I did what I did._

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__And I agree with what you did, but do you understand why I did it?_

_**OHioBliz84: **__I'm just really confused right now about this whole thing, you're not being that clear._

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__ok well u understand that, but I want you to know I have nothing to lie to you about anymore, this was my reason to, and now that you know the truth I don't have to anymore___

_**OHioBliz84: **__ok….but I really have to get going_

_**OHioBliz84**__: I have o work tomorrow_

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__ok well thanks for at least trying to understand._

_**OHioBliz84: **__yep…_

_**RoCKrCHiK92: **__byee_

_**OHioBliz84: **__byee_

_**(OHioBliz84 has signed off at 12:41pm)**_

_There it was, the day Spencer Carlin broke me heart. I sat at my computer for over an hour, until the tears started coming. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I wasn't sure where I was walking to, but I walked. In the freezing cold weather of winter, I felt like something was missing from my hole of a heart, almost as if telling her only broke me ever more. That's one thing for sure, if I had her the way I wanted then I would probably be one of the happiest people of earth._


	4. Chapter 4

I don't know what I am suppose to do now, I can't show her nor my family how much of a weakness she is to me. I looked at her through the corner of my eye and watched her body sway to the music that was playing from the stereo. My heart dropped a beat after every single movement.

"Are you serious?" my sisters said slamming my mouth shut, which must have been hanging there like a puppy.

"This isn't good Kyla. What am I suppose to do now?" I asked worried as she made her way up over to me from out of nowhere. Her hand was on my shoulder and I could feel myself catching my breath and relaxing my body.

"Hey" she said as she scrunched up her face and smiled.

"Hi!" I couldn't thing of anything better to say. I don't want to waist my time getting lost in her again, and guess what I did. I lost my self within her presence. I always stumble over her memory and wonder if she'll ever come back for me.

The night wasn't that bad, mostly everybody had question about my career and of course I came baring gifts.

"Ok gram so I know how much you yelled at my for getting this for myself, but its so you." So I turned around and grabbed the new set of Porsche keys and threw them to her. Of course how she is she just started freaking out and laughing with that obnoxious laugh.

Spencer just stood there in front of me laughing, as she slowly kept sipping a bottle of Bud Light. I smile immediately faded when we locked eyes. She stood on the other side of the room from me, and our gaze seemed to be unspoken words said within out eyes. I stood up and walked over to her, trying desperately to look casual. After conversation with her for a good I don't know 45 seconds I had to ask her.

"So…um can I talk to you in the…garage for a minute?" I stuttered out as she laughed at how nervous I was. And the laugh threw me back.

_It was thanksgiving today and my mother was having a party at her house to celebrate. My day was hectic and out of control as I realized how upset she was going to be at me. I have called her at least 20 times last night. I needed her, I needed her to come to the rescue as she always does, I needed her to save me from my problems, but most of all I needed her to save me from myself._

_I was standing outside in the driveway hosing off the driveway, when I saw her car pull up in front of me. She caught me off guard and I held my breath. I could promise you that my heart jump a beat. But then after all that feeling that swarmed inside of me, it died, when I saw her roommate sitting beside her in the car. I can't stand that girl sometimes. I always feel like i'm up against her or something._

_I spent most of the time she was there sitting on the couch. I figured she was mad at me, and I didn't want to talk to her. So I stayed there mixed in my emotions and lost mind, while everyone was outside having fun. Of course being the regular person I am around her, I was playing my ringtone on my phone pretending like a bunch of people were calling me. Still no attention was given, and the way she looked to day was to die fore. As everyone walked outside to the patio to smoke, I built up enough courage to talk to her._

"_So, do you want to go for a walk really fast?" so looked at me so fake and uncaringly all I could do was dropping my head._

" _I got to get going soon for work, but come outside and talk with everyone!" so I did I sat in the corner of the patio listening to everyone's conversations after a few minutes it died down and I spoke up._

"_Spencer, did you ever get your birthday present I sent you?" I asked a little hopeful she liked it._

"_Nope." And then I put my head down again._

"_Wait yes you did." Spoke up her roommate Carmen. Thanks to her, she just saved me from silencing myself again._

_She started to look stupid as if she new what I was talking about but didn't want to admit it. She started acting like she was sorry and confused, but I saw right through that. That's the thing Spencer never understood, no matter the circumstances I could always see through her. So as we started talking normally, I asker her about her birthday rap. Ok yeah Ashley "rocker" Davies wrote a rap song for the one and only Spencer. After laughing about it, I busted out with the song._

_**Author note**__**: THIS IS A REAL SONG. I WROTE THIS FOR A FRIEND OF MINE. THE ONE THIS STORY IS ALL ABOUT. SO DOTN STEAL IT I OWN IT**_

_**Yo Yo Yo this ya birthday rap**_

_**Hot naked guys dancing on your lap**_

_**Over the hill is what I say**_

_**Cause it happens to be your 22**__**nd**__** birthday**_

_**Up in the club dancing everywhere**_

_**Wave your hands in the air like you just done care.**_

_**Everybody there screaming your name**_

_**Can you believe all the people who came?**_

_**Aiden up there looking so fine**_

_**Hey can I get a vodka and water? extra lemon and lime**_

_**September 6**__**th**__** you turn 22**_

_**I guess this the year you start to act cool**_

_**If the only gift you get is a fleece**_

_**You can sit at home and munch on Kraft Mac and cheese**_

_**22 and you still got it going on**_

_**Even though corvette Aiden is gone.**_

_**You say that your cool nickname is big mama**_

_**Yet on your MySpace you have a pink llama**_

_**Well my times getting down**_

_**So let me take my bow**_

_**Just remember one thing**_

_**Don't do the crime **_

_**If you cant do the time.**_

_**Chea**_

_And as soon as I finished I was caught in a gaze with her yet again._


	5. Chapter 5

"Yeah sure. Hold up let me grab my cigarettes." She said walked toward her purse.

"k" I was nervous about what I was about to do, but I promised myself the next time that I saw her and we happened to speak throughout or eyes I would do it. So my knees became weak again so I took a seat and pulled out a cigarette. She returned quickly and we emerged into the garage. We sat side by side on the couch against the wall.

"So what's up ash? How have you really been?" she asked within curiosity

"Honestly, I think you already know the answer to that question!" I said never making eye contact.

"Look ok we really need to talk about what happened!" she said placing her hand on my knee.

"No!" I yelled under my breath before she could finish" There is nothing for us to talk about, I spilled my heart out to you and you acted so…so just like it meant nothing. It took me 3 and half years to tell you that!"

"I know, I just was so mad at you still. I needed to help you so I did. I cut you off and let you find your own way. The first time I saw you that summer, I knew you were going through allot and I knew you needed so sort of shelter."

"Whatever, dont makes excuses and expect me not to see it in you!" I stopped talking as oxygen was escaping my lungs faster then a sinking ship, as emotions took over my body. "Spence before this goes any further I only asked you out here for one reason, and that is to give you this." I pulled my hand out of my pocked and handed her and envelope. The only thing on it was an "S".

Spencer looked at me and then down at the envelope. After she took it into her hands, I stopped her.

"Wait…read the letter before anything else." She nodded her head and pulled the envelope open and began reading the letter.

_**Hey shug,**_

_**Well here we are, the day when Ashley Davies changes you life, like I always said I would do. No matter what has happened or will happen, I will always be here for you. I know it's been years, nut Spencer; I can't and will never get over you, so I ask you to accept this and realize how much I would do to stay true to you. I know that you haven't always been accepting toward the things I gave you, but I think this one will change all of that, good luck**_

_**Always and forever,**_

_**Ash.**_

She turned to me and her eyes began to look watery, she glanced up at me and then back at the letter a few times.

"I don't want it." She said standing up and handing the envelope back to me.

"Open it Spencer…jus do 1 thing for me and open it."

She saw the seriousness in my eyes. She could probably hear my heart beating. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, before reaching into the envelope. She stood there in front of me in complete silence, as she grazed over the check written to her for $500,000.

"I can't." She said through her tears.

"Yes you can, and you're going too." My attitude was beginning to arise at the sight of her unknowing.

"Why do you always have to do this Spence? Why can't you let me in? i have spent the last 2 and half years drowning in my sorrow over you, i'm beginning to think I'm wasting my god damn time trying to atleast have you as a friend, I wasn't messing around on AIM I was serious about what I said. I would say it over and over again to get through that pretty little head of yours. I'm head over heels in love with you Spencer." My chest was rising and falling with anticipation.

"I can't have you in my life ash, I can't have you as a friend!" she said sternly.

"Why the hell not?" I was beginning to get scared of that up coming answer.

"Because I'm scared of who I am, or what you make me feel when you're around, and I don't know if i can go through that right now!"

I'm confused now. I don't understand what she is trying to say. she always has to word her words in a way it makes me think about the phrase before being able to actually put it together.

"What are you talking about, how do I make you feel anything? We talk maybe once a year but you act fake every time. That's the only thing I hate about you Spence, why can't you just except when something is wrong, instead of being a fake bitch?"

"I'm only fake towards you because i'm scared of what ill actually do, or ill actually say, it's not only you who is in love with someone out here." She said. Which made me peer around the garage in a desperate search, for the person she is saying she is in love with? After realizing there wasn't anyone out there but she and I, I looked at her and nudged to myself. She shook her head yes in response. I let out a sigh and stood up again. I starred at her for almost 10 minutes. I had no works yet, my mind was blank, and my heart was racing, but then it seemed to slow and the anger boiled over.

"Wait… so you led me on fore almost 3 years, of making my feel bad because I was in love with you? And the whole time you love me as well?" I asked angrily and she just nodded he head. Now I m pacing back and forth, chewing on my fingernails. "How could you do that? Do you even understand what you put me through? You broke my heart day after day, and you made me be so afraid of who I was." She still hadn't said anything. She just sat there quietly as tears strolled own her face. At this point I was so angry at her that I went back inside. I had to get away. So I told my family that something had come up and I needed to get back to the studio.

After I said goodbye I grabbed my things and walked out through the garage door, where Spencer still sat. I still was speechless to her actions, so I walked right past her. Maybe she could get a feel, she how if feels to be put through so much.

"Ash…" she said under her breath but just loud enough for me to hear. I stopped dead I my tracks and closed my eyes for a brief second. I turned to her. "Don't leave." She said starring down at her feet.

"Funny, that's what I said to you a few times, but did you stay? NO! You left." And the truth of the situation was killing me.

"Please…don't leave." She pleaded me. I walked over to her and kneeled in front of her. I wiped the rears from her eyes. She leant her head into my hands as I fixed the running mascara. I could stop getting caught up in her. I don't even know how she does this to me. I dropped my head and then was brought back into her gaze as I saw her peaceful soul floating within her ocean blue eyes.

"One chance! Right now, you come to my house and tell me the truth. Because frankly i cant do this game with you anymore. I need to know what is here and what is not. So that i can move on. One chance, tonight to tell me or I leave again, and no words are spoken." I exasperated softly into her ear.

She thought about if fro a second before she stood up and walked toward K (the Porsche). Ash she got into the car she immediately turned the radio on. This brought me into a flashback.

TBC…DUNT DUNT DUN. What do you think is going to happen? Comments would be nice.


	6. eating disorder

_Spencer was in my grandmother's bathroom straightening her hair, when I walked in and began bushing my teeth furiously. She looked over at me, with a confused look on her face_

"_What's wrong with you?" she asked_

"_Nothing." I said angrily at her. But again it was all fake. I wanted her to see me; I wanted her plain and simple._

"_Ash tells me." She repeated again_

"_Nothing…i'm fine" I explained as I continued brushing my teeth._

_She stood there and turned her head in the mirror to look me in the eyes. I don't understand why I do things like this; I don't even know when I decide to do it,_

"_I know your lying; I can see it in your face." She starred at me with an eyebrow raised. Knowing who I was around her, I kept a straight face, and thought of something, something so pathetic and stupid it makes me want to die, just thinking about something so wrong that I told her was wrong with me._

"_Fine…I have an eating disorder! Happy now?" I said as I walked outside and lit up a cigarette. She came out not to far behind me, and took the cigarette from my hand and inhaled it herself._

"_This is why you're sick, you not suppose to some on an empty stomach!"_

_I put my head in my hands and then reached for a new cigarette, she started yelling at me a telling me I didn't need to be smoking. So I just threw the pack down my shirt, knowing she wouldn't dare to search for it. After arguing for an awhile and old friend named Aiden called. He and Spence dated when they were 16 years-old. The story was Spencer broke it off with him after a fairly long relationship, but Aiden never got over her. He called to ask her if she wanted to attend a race with him. Great another person i'm up against just to get this one girl. I can't believe all this bullshit has to happen to me._

_She leaned over from, the phone and looked me right in the eyes. I was once again lost in her. Nothing but the sound of the ocean was flowing in the background. She waved her hand in front of me trying to get my attention but I couldn't move. I was stuck in her. My new favorite color was her eye color. they were so blue, almost as a deep Atlantic ocean blue, mixed with a hot summer days baby blue sky._

"_Ash…ash do you want to come to the race or not?" she stated trying toga my attention._

_Of course I wanted to come. But then this is, when you make up a lie like I did, you become introduced to and obstacle. As she asked me I sad "yes." Of course I wanted to go with, that's not even a logical question in my mind. Anywhere you go…ill go. I just wish I could say that to her. _

"_Fine… but if you want to come, you have to eat something." She said sternly._

_She put the phone back up to her ear and began to talk to Aiden again, "aid, I need you to stop at Wendy's on your way over and pick ash up some food." She has this way of starring me down when she wanted to make an impression. I'm not sure what of, but an impression._

_So I ended up agreeing and we both went to get ready, I was in my grandmother's closet retrieving a pair of jeans and a university of Texas hat, with matching belt buckle and tee shirt. I was now newly obsessed with Texas because I wanted to attend college there. Spencer was standing in the mirror putting on make-up which she always used too much, she never even needed it. She is naturally beautiful._

_I ended up wearing my hair in loose curls down to my shoulders. Aiden showed up little whiles later. Spencer got mad because he didn't bring anything for me to eat. So we got into his car. He had a white Tahoe, with 22 inch rims. We like to call it "the Tahoe on 22's" as we ere drinking we had fun talking about old times and funny stories that we could remember._

_W soon arrived at the track. It took a little while to get the car up top the top of the hill. It was kind of steep and the car was big. But knowing Aiden, he of course got it up. We were parked and the back of the car was popped open for all of us to sit in. Spencer Aiden and all there friends began drinking. At this point in time I hate all alcohol due to the face that my entire family is alcoholics._

_Spencer started drinking beer, and I wasn't happy about that. So I sat in the back of the car somehow trying to take the beer from her each time it was close to me. After a while I gave up and just didn't care anymore. So I became the bottle holder. She kept handing me the bottle to hold, and when she quenched thirst she would take a quick swift then give it back. The race was overall pretty fun, until Spencer and Aiden began fighting. Aiden still wanted her, but she had moved on. Hopefully that's something good for my future._

I couldn't keep my eyes off of her as I drove. She looked so settled. The top was down and the moon was bright. My right arm was resting on the center counsel, she looked at me and intertwined her fingers with mine and began rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb. I let her do as she wished, but only to a certain extent. there were still words that we needed to exchanged between us before I could let this whole deal go any further then it already was.

After r15 minutes of silence I finally pulled into my neighborhood.

"Hello Ms. Davis" the security guard at the gate said as he opened the gate.

"Hey John." I wasn't in the mood for talking with him right now. I drove forward then took a right and another immediate right into my driveway.

"This is your house?" Spence asked shocked

"Uhh…yeah…of course it is" I replied back sarcastically


	7. blizzards and shadows

**Authors Note: ok hey guys sorry my computer is down so I can only put these up as school. But I want to thanks yall out there appreciating this story. It is a true story (but only the flashbacks) I thought it was good content. I went thought this and I think spashley would show it better then I did.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Cyberauthor. She always has the nicest things to say in reviews. And always reviews my new chapters. Plus she's my favorite author.**

**On with the story.**

After parking the car and walking back into my house, Spencer following right behind me. I went to the kitchen and retrieved 2 bottles of water. She sat at my grand piano in my living room, just lightly running her fingers up and down the newly polished keys.

"Have you ever played?" she asked never removing her eyes from the keys.

"Yeah, I wrote a few songs sitting right their." I said pointing over to the spot she was sitting in.

"Can you play one for me?" she said scooting down the bench and patting her hand for me to sit. I smiled and walked over slowly, as I sat she put her right-hand on my knee as I placed my fingers over the correct keys.

"I wrote this the first time I got my hearty broken, its called Blizzards and Shadows."

**(I WROTE THIS I OWN IT DON'T STEAL IT)**

**You shadow overwhelms me **

**I feel you touch, although you aren't in sight**

**I'm scared to look you in the eyes**

**A fear of getting lost and losing control**

**You have stolen my breathe once again**

**My body becomes a prisoner to your touch**

**You shadow overwhelms me**

**Even when I am all alone**

**Thoughts of you etched into my mind**

**Your voice soothes my soul**

**You smile makes me feel whole and young**

**As I fall into a deep abyss that is you**

**You shadow overwhelms me **

**When I look behind me and nothing is there**

**All that I have become**

**All that I wish to be**

**Now seems a faint memory **

**A memory of love**

**A memory of happiness **

**Where have I gone wrong?**

**The nights we were alone and apart**

**I dreamt of your many unique pieces**

**You are truly a masterpiece.**

**The way you look at me**

**Leaves me breathless**

**I can't help but to surrender **

**When your shadow overwhelms me.**

Spencer's eyes were watering as I finished the song. She knew it was about her and it made her look pale a lifeless. As she slowly turned her head to me I wiped the tears away from her beautiful eyes, and tucked a loose stand of hair behind her ear.

"I-I'm sorry." She cried out and pulled me into her. I fell to my knees and positioned myself between her legs holding her tight and running my hands up and down her back.

I knew what's she wanted to say, but I also knew how hard it was for her right now. She didn't know how to express herself to me. I went through the same thing. But unlike her I didn't have anyone to care. She knows I'm here and I hope she will become more comfortable with herself.

"I need you ash, more than anything in this world. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you and I made you go through so much." She whispered softly into my ear.

"You should be sorry." She looked at me sadly until I put my fingers under her chin to pull her face so it was equivalent to mine." But I am a forgiving person." She smile and leant in for a kiss, immediately hesitating half way to see if I was ok. I licked my lips before crashing my lips to hers. I know we haven't been together before, but that kiss was so full of passion and love. It was long and sweet before we pulled away for oxygen. She started running her hands threw my hair, as I placed my hands on her hips. I pulled her shirt up, just enough to expose her toned abs…….

**Ah the smut is coming soon. Ha-ha sorry its short I'm sitting in the library and I'm feeling a little uncomfortable writing the upcoming events with a bunch of people around me. But seriously if you want your little updates faster I NEED REVIEWS. At least 5 more for me to continue with what happens next.**


	8. say it!

Author Note: ok here it is the new update. Thanks for the reviews. And a little note to Cyberauthor. you are my favorite author, BUT I NEED MORE UPDATES!!! ON EVERY STORY!!! Lol

On with the show.

I scooted down and placed soft kissed across and down her stomach. I could feel Goosebumps appearing all over her body. I never realized how much I could do to someone; this had to be a sign.

We couldn't help ourselves anymore; it was starting to get heated. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip, until I was granted entrance. We dueled for dominance in which I won, although how good this felt I had to pull my self back from her, I stood on my feet looking down at her. Her faced was flushed with arousal, something I wasn't sure I should be doing to her.

"Spence… a-are you sure about this?" I asked looking at me feet, I was too nervous to be rejected by her again and I wasn't sure if she was about to change her mind or not. Then she began to rise from the piano seat, and walked over to me.

"More sure than anything in my life, now this time…don't stop!" she pulled me into her body. As it got as heated as before, I began leading her to the stairs. I couldn't keep my hands off of her body, moving from her golden blonde hair, down to grazing lightly over her hips. As we continued getting lost in each other, I accidentally rammed her body into the wall beneath the stairs.

"Ugh…ash." She said when she hit the wall, I slowly began running kissed down her jaw line and her neck until I reached her pulse point, in which I began sucking until I couldn't fell me tounge anymore

"Ash...uh…bed now!" she said out of sexual frustration. She was desperately trying to hold in her moans and groans. Her breathing was growing into a faster pace. I grabbed bother her thighs and pulled her up the wall, quickly she wrapped her legs around my waist, and I thrusted my body into hers. I'm losing myself in her and I can't control it. Her body was evenly bucking into my hips as I pushed my thigh into her center.

"Ash…uhhh…bed…oh…now!" she repeated herself again as I carefully pressed her into me so I could carry her into my room. I walked slowly up the stairs, never loosing contact of her lips. After we entered my room I turned on the stereo which in some state of awkwardness The Spice Girls song "say you'll be there" began to play. We began to laugh at the memory we had behind that song.

"_Hey what do you say we clean the house before your grandma gets home?" she asked as I stood up_

"_Yeah, let's do it." I replied as we begean on our separate ways doing different things making the cleaning faster. I waste really excited about having to clean, so I decided some music would lighten that up. I went to my room and grabbed the first cd I came in contact with. as I made my way back into the living room, which was right next to Spencer who was working on the kitchen. The Cd began to play and Spencer could not stop dancing and singing along to it. She began running around singing the almost forgotten lyrics._

_We finally made our way into my grandmother's bathroom, where I was cleaning the floor while she was doing the shower. I had never laughed as hard as she was bent over in the tub scrubbing and the song was still ringing through her ears, and escaping through her mouth._

As we quite laughing and continued in a serious state before lips meet lips, body's meet body's and tongues dwell with tounges. I managed to trip over a pair of vans I had out and we both went tumbling to the bed. Spencer began crawling up to the headboard on her forearms, when she slipped under the covers.

"Oh my gah! You do not have silk sheets!" she said relaxing into the unbelievable touch.

"Only the best for my favorite place." I said into a kiss. I removed her shirt slowly and she did the same to me. Her breathing became heavy as I weighed my body onto of hers, and buried my head into the crook of her neck. I began again missing the touch of her, so I made my way down her body removing her bra and making my way to her jeans. I continued to place kisses across her lightly tanned stomach. Until she caught me playing with the hem of her jeans.

"Ash…please?" she cried out

"Please what baby? What is it you want?" I said onto her stomach, slipping my tounge into her bellybutton. Her hips were widely bucking into me now.

"Take me ash…Fuck me please?" I couldn't help but follow her orders. So I slipped of her jeans and other accessories in one swift motion

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I began pumping my hand in and out of her; it was starting to get rough.

"Sat it Spence…say you'll be here!" I yelled at her

"Ill be here ash." she squirmed out

"Say you won't leave me again!" I was now going as hard as I could,

"I will always ...ash...oh…be here...for you." She said highly as her orgasm ripped through her body.

My breathing was out of control as well as Spencer's. My body lay limp on top of hers; I buried my head into her neck, and closed my eyes, as I laid there in my new comfort zone. She ran her nails up and down my back until I eventually rolled off and onto the right side of the bed.

I don't know why but this girl scares the hell out of me. Sometimes I get the hint of being heartbroken. Of her leaving me or screwing up. My thoughts began racing threw me and I needed them to stop. I loved over at her and she was laying on her side starring at me. I smiled and shifted under the comforter pulling the sheet up, and wrapping myself in it. As I went to get off the bed she grabbed my wrist.

"Where are you going?" she said worried

"Ill be right back I said leaning down and kissing her forehead.


	9. fresh start? or not

**Authors note: ok so yeah the rushed into it but you'll start to understand why this upcoming chapter. Thanks for the reviews. I could use some more.**

I walked out of the room and into my bathroom. where above the sink I reached and found, my only way out of the madness in my mind. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how much different I looked. I had an actually sincere smile shinning back at me, and my eyes are lit up like the 4th of July. Giving myself one last look I turned the lights off, and made my way back into my room.

Before entering I had to stop and think for a second. How was this going to work? How am I supposed to be with this person, if I don't know what feelings are mutual and what are just curiosity? I spent most of my time trying to understand why she is even here. This all came out of nowhere and I'm not sure of what it's going to become…

She hadn't moved, except that she was wrapped up tightly in a ball under my white feather comforter. And that image brought me back.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_My grandmother and Spencer's mom left about 2 hours ago for London. Spencer and I were in my grandmothers bed, she had this huge king size bed with down blankets and pillows, it was pretty much the most comfortable place in the world. as Spencer use to call it her" white heaven." We were watching that movie __Anger Management__. It was cool and calm for the first hour or so, but I couldn't help but begin to get bored. So she pulled her laptop in-between us and started showing me random things online, including her ex boyfriend on Ha-ha like I actually want to see that? I think sometimes she knows how I fell but she doesn't want to show she knows._

_I sat closely listening to everything she was telling me. Being the devil that I am. I insisted that she play that game called "the scary maze." Sp while she was paying attention to the movie I was trying dsepriitly to hold in a laugh as I set the game up. She was laying to my left and the computer was half way on her lap the other half on the bed. I hade to make up some story so that she would play._

"_Ok, so here's how it works. You can't let the mouse out of the blue lines or you have to start over, if you make it to the 4__th__ level you win $200 dollars."_

_She nodded in understanding and began the game. What she didn't know, is on the 3__rd__ level it gets so hard, and you get so concentrated, that a random scary picture pops out of nowhere scares you. So she sat there playing the game, it's been about 10 minutes and I lost my interest in watching so I payed more attention to the movie. Not even realizing she was playing anymore, I heard this blood racking scream come from Spencer, and it scared the hell out of me, so I went tumbling off the bed, and she threw the laptop in front of herself in scarce._

"_Are you out of your f-ing mind? That was the scariest thing I have ever seen." She said still trying to brush off the face that was burned into her eyelids now._

"_I know right." I said as I made my way back to the bed and began tying to regain my attention to getting the laptop back to the top of the bed._

"_Hey, you want to see something really cool? Its like about ghost sightings?" she looked at me like I was crazy and kept saying it was another scary thing and how I was so mean. But eventually after showing my puppy dog pout she let me show it to her. So we sat there in taking scary pictures of ghosts in others people's pictures. After watching it we were so scared._

"_I need cookies now!" she said scared to walk out of the room. let me remind you I was 14 years old, it was ok for me to be scared, on the other hand she was 21 at the time. She as more scared then I was. So as we talked through the house and to the backdoor we made a plan to run for the car. Of course she took off without me to the car, leaving me in the dark by myself. So I ran as fast as I could to try and get to the car, but when I did she locked the doors, I started banging on them. I was scared out of my mind. Eventually she opened them; I swore to myself I would get her back._

I approached the bed again and sat down on my side, reaching into my night and for my cigarette hitter. After finding it I packed it into a bad and placed the bother end in my mouth. I lit the packed side and took in as much smoke as I possibly could. I immediately felt my body start to relaxe.

"What are you doing?" she asked out of curiosity, but she knew what I was doing.

"Getting my mind to slow down. Do you want some? I asked handing it over to her.

"Uh… sure… I guess I could try it." She said. I'm guessing she has never done this before because she didn't know what she was doing. So I took the liberty of showing her what to do.

" ok put the brown end in your mouth, when I lit it suck in as much as you can, and hold it for as long as possible" she nodded in understanding. She smirked at me, almost as if she was embarrassed. After that she started liking it. We smoked a few more hitters and began laughing our asses off. She leaned into my lap and said

"This is awesome, I love it." For the 1000th time. I could keep my hand off of her but I needed to talk to her badly

"We need to talk." I aid and her face dropped….. She new what needed to be discussed but I'm sure she didn't want to admit, admit that this whole thing went to fast.

"Ok… well I think we should start over, this whole thing has been a big question mark, and if you want this to work as much as I did I think you would agree we start off on a clean slate. I love you more than anything in this world, an I am glad that I can finally say that but this isn't going to be healthy trying to act like were past what had happened over the years! So what do you say?" she removed herself from my lap and looked at me.

"I don't know if…"

**REVIEWS!!! Sorry had to leave yall here but hey…it happens.**


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